The Internet: The Gift That Keeps On Giving (Craptastic Knowledge, That Is)

Angler Fish Looking For Love

Angler Fish Looking For Love

You know, if I had spent all the time I’ve spent on the Internet on something completely different, I would have been darn good at it, whatever it may have been. I could have mastered French–heck, Chinese even. I could have learned to play the guitar (I did try for a little bit, but it was hopeless). Oh, I could have found out how to blow bubbles with bubble gum (just can’t do it; don’t know why).

I know this to be true, yet I am on the Net as I write this. In the words of Peter Cetera, it’s a hard habit to break. There’s just so much out there, so many things to find, so much knowledge to learn, and such an endless array of crap to wade through happily on the way to that knowledge.

For example, do you know how angler fish reproduce? Let me give you the rundown. The male angler fish stop being able to digest food once they develop. So what a male does is to go up to a female and bite her, at which point his mouth fuses with the female fish, and the male eventually rots away to a pair of gonads which releases the sperm into the female, and it looks like the female pretty much lives on with a parasite-looking corpse hanging on to her. Yikes, huh?

How did I come across this tale of underwater romance? Well, I was reading some article about Madonna and her new greatest-hits collection (“Hollywood” is in, but no “Angel”???), and that led me to an article on her infamous Sex book, which mentioned the various people who were in it, so I wondered, ‘Hey, what’s Isabella Rosellini been up the last few years?’ which led me to an online interview where Isabella talked about some TV show she’s doing where she re-enacts the mating rituals of animals (I assure you, I am so not making this up), and she mentioned angler fish as being particular bizarre, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, and voila, enlightenment! (utterly useless and craptastic enlightenment, but enlightenment, nonetheless)

So what’s the point of all this? …Well, I’m not sure.

a) To encourage people to keep learning
b) To show how our time could be better utilized
c) To publicize Isabella Rossellini’s new show, which sounds completely wacked-out (I wonder what Madonna would think)
d) To put forth yet another excuse to stay on the Internet
e) Paradoxially, all of the above

I go with E. Now, here’s the Bloodhound Gang reminding us, “We’re nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel.”

Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang

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